7 Days - The tantrum

Mini egg nails//new hair//photoshoot//Rosie decided to apply make up//photoshoot

 

I have been a terrible blogger of late and my only excuse is that I have been quite busy with work and also have developed a terrible addiction - to Candy Crush. If you don't know what that is then never find out as it will take over your life!

Last week was really quite uneventful in our household, Monday to Thursday involved the usual activities such as work, nursery, swimming and such like. Friday we had a bit of a situation; we had gone into town to do some odds and ends which began with a visit to the Post Office as I had about 14 parcels to send and Tom had to update his driving license photograph. The queue is always massive at this Post Office and they are so slow at serving - unusually so, but as we walked in I noticed they had a new touch screen pay and go parcel machine. Thinking this would make my life much easier I told Tom that I would just use that whilst he was waiting in the queue for the fancy DVLA photo booth. Rosie was sort of dotting between us which was fine until Tom got further away and the place started to get busier. I asked her to come over and help me, which she did for about 3 seconds before deciding she wanted to go back to daddy. I explained to her that she had to stay with me and as she tried to escape I grabbed her hand. We then experienced the mother of all Meltdowns. She was screaming and kicking and lying on the floor. All with me trying to hold on to her hand whilst weighing and scanning parcels through this machine. If I could of I would have stopped what I was doing but there was a man waiting behind me so I just tried to do it all as quickly as I could. At one point I glanced up and all I could see was these faces just staring at me as if to say "Look at that terrible child, the mother can control her" etc etc. As soon as I could I took Rosie over to the side and sat her on the seats. A lovely kind lady came across and asked if I needed any help or if there was anything she could do for me. She also tried to talk to Rosie to tell her that she had to help mummy. A minute or so later Tom came across and I actually just burst into tears I was that mortified. My heart was racing and I could feel my blood pumping, also in the process I had managed to hurt my back. Tom managed to calm us all down and we finally got the parcels posted. I never want to experience a situation like that again and will definitely make sure Rosie is always in a pram! Goodness knows what it will be like with two!!

After the trauma of the Post Office we did actually go to a nice little tea room for some lunch but I was still so flustered by it all that I didn't really think to take any pics - it was delicious though. Rosie was unfortunately still playing up. She has been so naughty lately!

On Saturday I had a Bridal trial in the morning which was great fun as my clients has decide she wants to go for a Cara Delvingne look which shakes it up a bit from the usual requests. After the trial I went and got my hair chopped off. I think about 6 or 7 inches must have came off it and it is now it a lovely long bob style which is so much easier to maintain that my long, thick, main was and it feels so much healthier. Here is a before and after pic:

 

Sunday, Rosie and Tom went off to Tom's parents for my nephews 3rd birthday party whilst I worked on a photo shoot. It was a hard day and we worked from 12 till 7 but got some brilliant shots and had such a laugh. When I came home I was ready to collapse in my bed but not after a few rounds of Candy Crush!!

 

Love Sophie

xox

 

 

Our 20 week scan

Pregnancy scans are like double edged swords; before them you feel excited that you will get to see your baby but at the same time the days leading up to them you find your head filled with all sorts of questions and worries.

We had our 20 week scan on Friday afternoon and to be honest I think I was a bit more relaxed that the first time round but still the week before I found myself getting butterflies whenever my thoughts wondered on to the subject. I was so excited about finding out the sex of the baby but more importantly I was worried about everything being ok.

At the 12 week scan I was terrified, I was actually shaking and nearly threw up. This was mostly due to the fact we were left waiting for around 40 mins and waiting rooms fill me with nerves even if its not me that's being seen. A bit like how seeing a policeman always make you think you have done something wrong...

I was dreading the wait at the 20 week scan and made sure we arrived exactly on time and no earlier. Friday morning was filled with cleaning and washing and doing anything I could to take my mind off it. When we arrived we checked into reception and were given a sheet of information and told to go and sit in the waiting room. I tried to read the information but the writing just blurred together. Amazingly we only had to wait about 3 minutes after our appointment time!

We were called into the ultra sound room and I jumped up on the couch where the nurse kindly yanked down my leggings and wrapped some tissue around. They always pull you trousers right down passed your knicker line and I found myself thinking," shit, why didn't I tidy up down there", yet again. But at the end of the day this was an appointment to see your baby not feel guilty about your unruly pubes!

The sonographer then got my details up on the computer before asking if we had any questions and placing the Doppler on my belly. Within seconds our wee baba was on the screen and I felt a sense of calm. The 20 week scan takes a little longer that the 12 as they carry out quite thorough checks . Our sonographer began by checking the baby's brain and announcing "good, it's defiantly got one", she then went on to check the baby's heart and its four chambers, before moving on to the spine. At this point I didn't have a clue what we should or shouldn't be seeing but I was so mesmerised with looking at the baby moving around that it did take my mind off things slightly.

She then checked the babies face which was a bit scary to be honest as all we could see was this skeletal face looking right at us! They also have a look to see all the vital organs are there and looking as they should before measuring the femur, waist circumference and a foot!

Seeing the wee foot was amazing, we never got to see that with Rosie! In fact I think we were given much more lengthy, in depth scans with this baby and found the sonographers spent a lot of time explaining what each part was etc.

The final check was of my placenta which really just looks like a big black mass. After everything was checked and ok'd she had a look between the babies legs and announced that although they cannot be 100% the three lines that she could see indicated that it was another girl!!

Once the scan was over she let us choose the picture we wanted - I must point out that we are charged at £1 per picture and that in some hospitals it can be £5, so please be aware of this. We were caught out the first time but luckily the sonographer sneaked us a couple of pictures! This time we totally forgot even though I had said to myself a million times to remember change! Again the sonographer let us away (it was a different one to the first) and she actually gave us four picture instead of just the two we choose.

She told us that everything seemed normal and the baby was developing as should. The only concern is that my placenta is growing where my c-section scar is and sometimes they can grow into the scar (blurgh) so I have to have another scan at 34 weeks. I can't wait to see how big the baby is then!

It was such a great experience and we left with massive grins on our faces and a huge sense of relief. It all seems a bit more real now especially since I am experiencing big kicks now, Tom actually felt it the other day! We them went home to tell Rosie that is is going to have a sister.

Here are some pictures of the scan, the sonographer even included the foot picture!!!!

Love Sophie XoX

 

Pregnancy update - week 23

 

 

How far along? 23 weeks

 

Total weight gain/measurements: When I do get on a pair of scales I am going to get one big shock but up until now I still havent weighed myself. I feel really bloated though - especially around the face. I am now measuring at 38 1/4 inches round the bump.

Maternity clothes: I think I will get away for another month or so yet. I am living in leggings, jeggings and dresses though.

Stretch marks: None.

Sleep: Brilliant - well it would be if I got a whole nights continuous sleep without a Rosie interruption.

Best moment this week: Working on the photoshoot, really got my creative juices flowing!

Miss anything? Pate again!

Movement: Oh yes! Yesterday the bambino was kicking all day long and some really sore ones too!

Food cravings? Not really but I have been stuffing my face with crap really. All I seem to want is stuff thats bad for you now! And I am hungry all the time!

Anything making you queasy or sick? Not any new ones.

Gender: Still a girl as far as I know!

Labour signs: Far to early!

Symptoms: I have had a bit of a bad head yesterday and today and feel exhausted. Mind you that could be symptoms of wasting too much of my life on Candy Crush! Bump is very solid now and I do get out of breath really easily.

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? Would be on!

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy.

Looking forward to: 24 Week Midwife check! Completeing Candy Crush.

 

 

Love Sophie XoX

 

 

 

 

 

Cracking & Crap #1

 Image from weheartit.com and doesn't really have any 

relevance but its pretty! 

So I thought I would start doing my version of weekly summaries or in's and out's, I welcome Cracking & Crap!

Cracking

♡ Tom has been working really crap shifts over Christmas and new year but this has calmed down of late and he is now at home a lot more.

♡ My freelance work is starting to pick up as we come closer to wedding season. I love being a make up artist but as my work is mostly bridal it means quiet winters, which means less money! From February onwards I am quite busy again with weddings and trials.

♡ A really cracking thing is feeling k2 (aka the bump) move about. It is so weird yet so warming!

♡ I have found so many new blogs over the last 2 weeks and my reading list is pretty full up! At some point my plan is to add a wee blog roll tab so I can share my finds.

♡ Now this wasn't that great but my ipad was having some teething problems, namely it was shit and the touch screen intermittently became non responsive. Simple tasks were talking hours, I couldn't even read blogs without hassle. I eventually managed to take it to get fixed and they replaced the whole thing! Brilliant!

Crap

• I am totally skint :(, obviously cause its January, work is quiet, and I have too many debts from my reckless youth!
• Basically, cut short, the story of our lives at the moment is that we live in Scotland but we want to live in South Wales for numerous reasons. We can only do this if Tom finds a full time job, which is proving to be bloody hard. We cant really set down any roots here in case we do move soon, and I can't take many advanced bookings or concentrate on expanding the business. It also isn't great for Rosie, I would love to get her enrolled in a ballet class but I am hesitant to if I have to move half way through.
• I have had enough of this rubbish weather. I seriously think we live in some crap micro climate. We had no summer what so ever, winter has been a wash out, people 3 miles down the road had inches of snow and all we had was slushy snow which was really just rain in disguise. Another reason why we want to move to South Wales, although still Britain it is definitely better weather!
• Having a best friend that lives hundreds of miles away, sometimes we just need a hug from each other or to help each other through bad times but distance makes this a problem. If the moving thing goes to plan then this will go from crap to cracking :)

Obviously, as you can see the things that are crap in my life are problematic but people deal with a lot more. I don't really like moaning too much and try to act and think positively most of the time but sometimes you just got to let it out!

Sophie XoX

 

Do you want the truth or something beautiful

The truth is - I am just not happy and I feel a bit robbed to be honest. I always imagined pregnancy to be full of happy, exciting memories and with Rosie I got a pretty good deal. This time round is completely different. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant. I love feeling the kicks and the rolls, watching the bump grow bigger everyday and knowing I am making a new wee life in there but the situations and circumstances surrounding this pregnancy are making it difficult to really enjoy and savour as there is so much uncertainty. I feel like I need to get these off my chest and I will use this as a vessel to do so as it is pretty private. A big thank you to those who have decided to follow my wee blog though - it means so much that you have deemed it interesting and worth of a follow!

Lets start with the mummy and daddy. When I was pregnant with Rosie, me and Tom had only been together 6 months. Everything was so fresh and new. Although we had known each other for years and actually briefly dated in our late teens, we were now learning about our adult selves. Yes we argued and not everything was "Rosie" so to speak but it was such an exciting time. I had just moved from Newcastle, Tom was in his 2nd year at uni and I had a full time job. We had no real financial issues and could do what we liked. We were looking for our first home together and getting prepared for our bundle.

Then Rosie arrived and I think the dynamics changed quite a bit. When you have a child you have more things to disagree on, difference of opinion on how to do things and bring them up. Not to mention the lack of sleep!! But we got through it with a few explosive argument over, well nothing really but try telling that to two sleep deprived new parents!

Over the last year our relationship has been on a downward curve, at first I thought it was the stress of Tom finishing uni. But then graduation came and went and things were still going wrong. And they still are. Although I do believe we have now hit rock bottom.

So what's caused us from going from a happy relationship full of laughter to barely acknowledging each other - a good few things. The stress of having a toddler that has hit the terrible twos with full force and has embraced it with open arms. She has gone from a sweet, easily managed, content child to a kicking, hitting, screaming, shouting, disobedient, tantrum throwing little madam, and we are really struggling. I honestly feel inadequate as a mother, I don't have a clue how to deal with her anymore! I have read the books and tried the tricks but nothing works. Tom gets very frustrated too and again we have different parenting techniques which clash and cause arguments and general bad feeling. Challenging times.

Money is also another evil contributing factor. We are totally skint! Tom has been looking and applying for jobs since last summer and has not had one interview, that's depressing. But also as we may have to move hundreds of miles I have not taken on many weddings this year. We get by, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table but we can't afford anything else. We have no money to go out, with Rosie or as a couple, we can't afford petrol to visit friends, the last time we purchased clothes for ourself has become a very distant memory. We have debts up to our eyeballs and are trying to make ends meet on two part time wages. Our joint income for last year was around £13,000. Now I know money isn't the be all and end all but when you are stuck in the house, swamped by each others company, stressed with how you will pay the tv licence you argue. A lot.

To top it all off we want to move, we really want to move but can't because of the above. As I did a lot of my social growing up down south, I lost a lot of contact with people up here. And my best friend moved to Wales so really I have very very little friends that I can call upon to drop round for a coffee or go for a walk with, or simple just talk too. I am by myself a lot. I have held back going out there and meeting new people because at the back of my head is what if we move in a month? Is there any point? So I stumble on in a very lonely world. We are both not happy with our location and want a lot more. Mainly better weather and better local amenities, plus somewhere with a bit of scope. A new beginning. So because we both want this and it's not happening we get frustrated with each other and guess what, we argue. A lot.

 

Of course there is all the other relationship problems. I wish Tom was a bit more supportive, I wish he was a bit more affectionate, I wish he wasn't so hot headed and we could enjoy a family trip out without an argument. But I also love him, I love when he smiles and laughs, I love when we can be care free and silly, I love how much he loves his daughter. But when there is such a big black cloud hanging over you, all this gets lost in the fog and you are left wondering if you will actually make it through.

 

All this is stressful enough, and at the back of my head I know three will become four in a matter of months and all these things will be exasperated further and I am scared. Really scared. I feel that all these issues need to be resolved and there is a ticking time bomb, in the shape of my ever growing belly, waiting to go off. To make it worse we have to move in about 6 weeks and that is a stress in itself.

It has got to the point where I feel so stressed that its affecting me on the in and out. I believe my skin is so bad because of the stress and that is lowering my confidence as I feel like one big acne outbreak! I am getting pounding headaches, I can't sleep, I cry at the drop of a hat, I feel irritable, I feel guilt that Rosie isn't getting the best from me, I get knots in my chest, and I just have a lot of pressure on my shoulders.

So what would make me happy? Just some simple things like a bit of security, a new home in a new town in a new country, not having to sell things on eBay to pay bills, a happier relationship, better skin, two happy healthy children, and maybe some better weather? Hopefully it will be around the corner but for now I just have to pick myself up and get on with it.......

 

Sophie XoX

 

 

 

 

What I ate Wednesday

Today's WIAW was a bit of a failure as it was Tom's birthday so it wasn't really a usual day!

Breakfast - I forgot to take pictures today as I was busy getting things ready with presents but in any case all I had was toast and honey. Two slices.

Lunch - As pictured above ^ We had a wee birthday spread complete with cocktail sausages, cheese and pickles!

Dinner - I have absolutely zero energy this evening so dinner was very unexciting and consisted of chicken Kiev and beans! Highly nutritious haha.

So there we go - a very uninspiring food day full of not the healthiest choices!

Sophie XoX

 

Pregnancy week 1 - 16

This is going to a bit of a ramble as I have a bit of catching up to do but my aim from now on is to do a weekly pregnancy round up. I have borrowed the questionnaire that Anna Saconne Joly used (someone that I love!).

How far along? This is just a round up of weeks 1 - 16

Total weight gain/measurements: I am not entirely sure as I haven't weighed or measure myself recently but I was around 10st 4lbs to begin with and then at my 12 week scan I had actually lost 5lbs. I put this down to the horrible morning sickness and loss of appetite I had suffered!

Maternity clothes: Still fitting in to my jeans at the moment although they are starting to get a bit snug!

Stretch marks: none so far!

Sleep: Sleep has been up and down - for the first few weeks I just couldn't get comfy - I was shattered but just couldn't sleep. I was however absolutely shattered - I felt like I had a constant hangover and just couldn't get the energy to get off the couch! It has got better but now my sleep is broken by a toddler trying to climb in bed!

Best moment this week: Best week out if week 1 - 16 was definitely getting to see the wee bambino at the 12 week scan. We got to see so much and for some reason I was much more aware that I had been with Rosie!

Miss anything? Weeks 7 - 15 I just missed not having to be sick!

Movement: A few wee flutters around week 13/14

Food cravings: I have had quite a few, mostly to do with ice such as ice pops and ice lollies etc

Anything making you queasy or sick? Plenty! Up until week 14 I couldn't really cook without heaving, brushing my teeth made me sick as did a lot of strong smells.

Gender: No idea!

Labour signs: Nope

Symptoms: Quite a few - the first few weeks I had quite a bit of cramping and pulling in my abdomen. A lot more than I think I had with Rosie. Week 7 saw the beginning of the lovely morning sickness, again something I didn't get with Rosie! I just found myself suddenly getting all queasy and then blurgh. I also lost practically all of my appetite which meant that I was sick bile. Not nice at all! This was then joined by a horrible vile taste in my mouth, really acidic and I just couldn't get rid of it. It was made worse by sweet tasting food and although it went by about week 15 I do still get it when I have sugary foods.
Feeling sick all the time is not nice at all and I found my only rescue was travel sickness bands that didnt leave my wrist from week 7 till week 13!
My boobs got a bit sore in the first few weeks but nothing much and I didn't notice them get any bigger until the second trimester when they did get painful and are definitely much fuller.
I think one of my biggest symptoms was my loss of energy - this happened really before I knew I was pregnant. I just felt so sleepy and could easily nap in the afternoon. Most things wiped me out - hard when you have a 2 year old to run after! I couldnt even gather the energy to do simple house work, it actually took me a whole day to clean my bathroom as I had to stop every 10mins or so! Luckily this lifted at about 10 weeks.

Belly button in or out? In!

Wedding rings on or off? I don't actually have one but If I did I would say it would be on.

Happy or moody most of the time: A total mixture. Frustrated at lack of energy and def more emotional than usual.

Looking forward to: feeling some kicks!

Few!

Love Sophie XoX